So, what do you do with that whole 'infertility' thing?

After firing my OBGYN and her horrid nurse practitioner, I found myself on the phone with one of my best friends who is a nurse.  I was sitting in my church parking lot getting ready to go in to spend an evening with some really wonderful, spiritual people.  Just the thing I needed after hearing those unfeeling words from the NP.  My best friend said, "She doesn't know what she's talking about.  No one knows what this is all about.  Miracles happen every day.  Don't lose hope.  She's a bi&ch."  It was exactly what I needed to hear.

For the next few months, I stumbled around wondering if I was ever going to be a mother.  I had dreamed of being a mom; I had loved kids as long as I could remember.  I had started babysitting at the age of 11 and continued all the way through to the age of 24 after almost 2 years in Paris as a nanny.  Sure, babysitting and nannying isn't parenting, but I KNEW that I really liked kids and that I couldn't imagine a life without them.  I had gone through phases in my early 20s when I thought I wouldn't have kids, but that changed once my friends started getting married and having kids and, of course, when I met Shannon.

What would I be if I wasn't going to be a mom?  How could God, in whom I believe, do this to me? I, of all people, KNEW what parenting entailed.  My oldest brother had his first child when I was 20.  I was there when my nephew was born, and I was around a lot.  I saw first hand through my brother and his then-wife that parenting was a SH&T TON of work, and I wanted nothing more than to be a mom.

So, how do you redesign a life with that fact in mind? How do you put your best foot forward when you know that you may not ever get to fulfill your dream of being a mom?  How do you redo the dream?  I didn't think I could bear a life without kids.  I just couldn't.

After about 6 months of stumbling around, Shannon and I decided to start the in vitro fertilization (IVF) process.  Several months of testing told us that IVF was our only chance at having biological children.

In September 2006, that part of the process began.