Inconceivable

It was inconceivable to me (pun intended) that I would never be a biological mother.  I just couldn't fathom it.  To catch up a bit, check out this post: http://kathleenwhitworth.blogspot.com/2015/02/stumbling-around.html.

To NOT be a mom? What would that look like? Feel like? What would I do with my life?

I tend to be a hand wringer.  I wring my hands, fret uncontrollably and don't do anything about that which I am fretting.  Usually in these cases, Shannon tells me to go talk to someone (usually a person whom he thinks will help me).  So, I called my priest, FT.

I was born and raised Roman Catholic and am still practicing.  I'm not on board with absolutely everything the Church wants me to be on board with (living together before marriage, anyone?), BUT I value immensely our priest and his input.  He is a very down-to-earth dude who is really honest and forthright.  He's not super preachy (I know, weird for a priest), and he generally guides his flock to the right answer rather than telling them what to think.

With that in mind, I called him and told him EVERYTHING that had gone on with the medical/science world: IVF or adoption were our only choices.  He suggested that we meet for coffee, and we did.  When he walked in and sat down, I didn't even give him a chance to get his coffee before saying, "Ok. We've been told that IVF is our only option. I know the Church is not big on IVF, but I don't care. I want a baby, and this is what has to happen."  He smiled and said, "Ohhhhh Kayyyyyyy.  Well, why don't you tell me why you want to have a baby."  And I said, "Shannon and I want to share our lives with another human. I want to have my husband's child."  FT said, "Well, then, there you have it.  Those are good reasons."

The conversation went on for quite some time.  FT was supportive and told me that he would support us no matter what.  I can still see us sitting there all those years ago.  I feel incredibly blessed that our priest is so very realistic and kind.

When I returned home to Shannon, I said, "Let's go for it."  We had been given the name of a fertility doctor at a local, well-known hospital.  We called his office, made an appointment for a consultation, and met with him for the first time in late August 2006.

Had I known the kind of person he was--his attitude, his bedside manner, his general aura--I never would have worked with him. I was SO desperate to have a biological child that I did not vet this doctor enough.  Lesson learned.  More on that in my next post.